Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister, who has a glass eye…

Like many people, I will watch the leaders’ TV debate tonight for a mixture of reasons. Guilt that I am otherwise taking so little interest in the election, mild interest in whether they will say anything I really believe, curiosity at what Nick Clegg actually looks like. But I will also watch in the blind anticipation that Gordon Brown finally makes use of his key electoral asset and whips out his glass eye.

It is my belief that future generations will look back in amazement, astonished and perhaps even aghast that we had a Prime Minister with a glass eye and nobody really seemed to know anything about it.

It is not too late for this to change. For starters, every article about the PM should start, ‘Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister, who has a glass eye…’ to really reinforce the point. And in the debate, Brown, the Prime Minister, who has a glass eye, should make a much stronger attempt to use the eye to his advantage.

A few suggestions. He could pop it out and stick it on the lectern looking up at Cameron while the Tory is talking. Or toss it casually from hand to hand while delivering his own speeches. Perhaps he could bounce it against his flexed bicep and into his outstretched hand in a flamboyant gesture that would manage to be both insouciant and intimidating. Watch his poll ratings climb! A namby-pamby nanny-bred nincompoop like Cameron would be terrified.

Better still, Brown could keep the eye in, take a dart to the debate and then just tap it casually against the glass eye whenever Cameron is speaking. How cool would that be?

It would leave Cameron with only one option. Lop off a hand, and replace it with a hook.

Now, I don’t want to suggest our political leaders should get involved in an ever-sicker whirlpool of deliberate self-mutilation in a vain bid to impress the voters… well, actually I do.

Let the freak show commence!

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8 responses to “Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister, who has a glass eye…

  1. I thought he just had use of one eye- I had no idea the one that didn’t work was glass! Personally I still find that facial tick stranger

  2. Fingers-crossed (assuming I don’t rip my own digits off in a frenzy of self-electioneering).

  3. By contrast, Cameron has a glass jaw and the Lib Dems will have a glass of anything.

  4. hahahaha!!! You missed your calling. You should have been a spin doctor.

  5. It’s a good idea, would play well with the electorate and freak out a flibbertigibbet like Cameron.

    The only danger is that it could be the thin end of the wedge. We might see future party leaders with even greater disabilities. Next time, a party boss might whip off his wooden leg forcing to prove his hopping prowess. Or, the audience might watch in amazement as a candidate removes his false hand to reveal a hook – a la Abu Hamza.

    Then where would it end? It could become a leadership campaign asset with candidates vying to prove they are the most disabled with the most false limbs. I could easily have imagined the Tory party following such a route during their darkest days of opposition.

  6. Hey, Brown had almost the perfect opportunity to introduce us to the glass eye yesterday, when the discussion moved to free eye test.

    Too bad, no one had passed your memo to him! Hrmmph!

  7. Pingback: Secret London: the Russian tank of Bermondsey | The Great Wen

  8. That is amazing. Brave man! You see you just never know what people are quietly putting up with. BTW love your posts!

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